Small Decisions

We all like to think it's the big decisions that change our lives.  And sometimes, it truly is.  Where you go to college.  Who you marry.  Your career path.  All important (and big) decisions.

But I think I've decided to focus more on the small decisions.  I feel like I make a thousand small decisions a day, sometimes not even realizing I'm making them, and it impacts my life in ways that I still don't know about.  Right now I'm just grateful for the awareness that it does, and the power to change it.

Let's take eating healthy as an example.  I can set a big lofty goal of losing thirty pounds this summer.  I can even set smaller goals of losing 2 pounds a week.  But honestly?  The decisions that would help the most?  NOT going out to eat for lunch.  Eating something healthy instead of cookies.  Doing one more set at the gym (or one more mile).  Going for a walk instead of sitting in my chair.  Everyday decisions that, in the moment, don't seem so momentous.  (Sidebar - I wanted to type monumentous but that's apparently not a word.  Who knew?)  Am I really going to miss that serving of *insert unhealthy thing here*?  Is my body really going to break down if I walk more?

But I think, all of those small decisions together, can really add up.  Not to mention, my  habits will gradually change.  Something I'm in need of, but can't get myself to do in sweeping changes.  You're supposed to "know thyself" right?  Well I know there's no way I can cut out sweets or what-have-you in one fell swoop.  Maybe the small decisions will help.

Another example - writing.  I've been making progress in my novel idea (ha ha...it's a pun) but not in the way one would think.  I wrote approximately 30,000 words, and am now reworking the story, characters, plot, and structure.  I plan on completely starting over (with the same characters and idea though) and start at the beginning.  But sometimes, it's so easy to come up with excuses.  I work a full time job.  I am trying to make working out a priority.  Blah blah blah.

BUT if I make small decisions and just work on it a little, I'll get more done.  Write every day, isn't that what they tell you?  So today I had discipline (and a little encouragement from a fellow writer, a friend and coworker) and worked on my outline.  And it felt great!  I love to write!  I am hoping I can continue to make progress toward my goal of a completed novel.  And I feel like these little decisions will help me on that journey.

What about you?  Do you do better with the BIG decisions and stick with it?  Or do small decisions work best for you?  I'm actually a little excited to start.  It takes a lot of pressure off to focus on just one decision, right now.  We'll see how it goes.  :)

Regrets

So I watched a TED talk today about not regretting regrets.  (If you don't know what TED is, I encourage you to visit www.ted.com - they have amazing talks from industry experts on all sorts of topics).  Here's the link to the one I watched:

http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_don_t_regret_regret?utm_medium=on.ted.com-facebook-share&utm_source=facebook.com&awesm=on.ted.com_c0Bt8&utm_content=awesm-publisher&utm_campaign=

Anyway, it really got me thinking about regrets.  I consistently say I only have one regret in life; that I didn't apply to University of Michigan to see if I would've been accepted.  You may think that it's a silly regret, but to me it was very important.  I did all of the applications, wrote all the essays, got recommendations from U of M alums.  I just didn't submit it.  And I truly regret it.  Greg has an acceptance letter from U of M; I'll never know if, in high school, I would've been accepted.

But really?  I only have one regret?  The talk details that we, as a society, are prone to making sure we don't have regrets (or we don't admit them).  We learned that lesson, it made us stronger, etc.  And all of that might be true, but I also think it's okay to have regrets.  To wish a situation was different.  To wonder what it would've been like.

I do think it's necessary to be at peace with your past decisions and learn from them; however, as in the TED talk, there's a process you have to go through.  Admit it, understand it, laugh at it, allow yourself some time to get used to it.  But it's okay to still regret it.

I have an issue with feeling inadequate.  Not good enough.  A failure.  It's something I've struggled with all my life and am honestly still working on.  There are always (believe me) things that one can feel inadequate about.  Part of my perfectionist, control-freak attitude is so I don't feel embarrassed or stupid in a situation, so I don't feel not good enough.

But you know what that gets me?  Not going for it.  Not taking risks.  Not allowing myself to step out on a limb and try something new or hard or different.  Not applying to U of M.

In some ways, my "one" regret represents exactly what I fear most.  What I constantly try to avoid, so I have no other regrets.

Thankfully, I've been encouraged through my faith to try new things.  There's been so many new things I've tried and failed at the last few years, it's been crazy.  I've tried to start a business with my quilting; that didn't work out.  I tried to go back to school; that wasn't the right path.  Two huge decisions that failed.  And you know what?  I'm actually stronger for them.  I have more self-esteem; I have more self-worth.  Sometimes, letting yourself face the thing you fear most can give you a profound sense of freedom from those chains.

I encourage you to feel your decisions, allow yourself to be upset by them, allow time to pass so you can heal, but then move on.  Have regrets.  It means you've lived.  And you're still living.