Regrets

So I watched a TED talk today about not regretting regrets.  (If you don't know what TED is, I encourage you to visit www.ted.com - they have amazing talks from industry experts on all sorts of topics).  Here's the link to the one I watched:

http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_don_t_regret_regret?utm_medium=on.ted.com-facebook-share&utm_source=facebook.com&awesm=on.ted.com_c0Bt8&utm_content=awesm-publisher&utm_campaign=

Anyway, it really got me thinking about regrets.  I consistently say I only have one regret in life; that I didn't apply to University of Michigan to see if I would've been accepted.  You may think that it's a silly regret, but to me it was very important.  I did all of the applications, wrote all the essays, got recommendations from U of M alums.  I just didn't submit it.  And I truly regret it.  Greg has an acceptance letter from U of M; I'll never know if, in high school, I would've been accepted.

But really?  I only have one regret?  The talk details that we, as a society, are prone to making sure we don't have regrets (or we don't admit them).  We learned that lesson, it made us stronger, etc.  And all of that might be true, but I also think it's okay to have regrets.  To wish a situation was different.  To wonder what it would've been like.

I do think it's necessary to be at peace with your past decisions and learn from them; however, as in the TED talk, there's a process you have to go through.  Admit it, understand it, laugh at it, allow yourself some time to get used to it.  But it's okay to still regret it.

I have an issue with feeling inadequate.  Not good enough.  A failure.  It's something I've struggled with all my life and am honestly still working on.  There are always (believe me) things that one can feel inadequate about.  Part of my perfectionist, control-freak attitude is so I don't feel embarrassed or stupid in a situation, so I don't feel not good enough.

But you know what that gets me?  Not going for it.  Not taking risks.  Not allowing myself to step out on a limb and try something new or hard or different.  Not applying to U of M.

In some ways, my "one" regret represents exactly what I fear most.  What I constantly try to avoid, so I have no other regrets.

Thankfully, I've been encouraged through my faith to try new things.  There's been so many new things I've tried and failed at the last few years, it's been crazy.  I've tried to start a business with my quilting; that didn't work out.  I tried to go back to school; that wasn't the right path.  Two huge decisions that failed.  And you know what?  I'm actually stronger for them.  I have more self-esteem; I have more self-worth.  Sometimes, letting yourself face the thing you fear most can give you a profound sense of freedom from those chains.

I encourage you to feel your decisions, allow yourself to be upset by them, allow time to pass so you can heal, but then move on.  Have regrets.  It means you've lived.  And you're still living.