Oh my goodness. This summer has been a crazy one!
I took a spring general psychology class at Delta this year. I felt God calling me to the psychology field - I think I've known since high school that I might want to pursue that field, but I stuck with English for my undergrad degree. Well it's been four years since college, and it was time to make a move. Since my class (which I loved), I needed to find a masters program in counseling. I really felt like God was calling me toward this field, and it's a wonderful feeling to have purpose. God drew me closer to Moody Theological Seminary, located in Plymouth, MI. I applied to the Counseling Psychology program right before my surgery, and found out I was accepted a month later - praise the Lord!
Oh, but since I applied, it's been nothing but waiting. Waiting for transcripts to be mailed, waiting for references to be submitted, waiting and waiting (and waiting) for my acceptance notification. So much waiting.
And once again, I am waiting. I've submitted my enrollment confirmation but submitted a scholarship application and am waiting on another. I've emailed my admissions counselor with some questions and am waiting to hear back. I can't make a move until I have answers, and no one seems to want to provide them.
In case you've never met me, I'm terrible at waiting - absolutely horrible. Patience was never my strong suit and it's still not. Maybe that's why God is allowing all of these waiting periods - to teach me more patience. I need to wait on His timing and allow things to process, I know. His timing is always better than ours. Faith is needed here.
But time slips by, and the theoretical start of the semester slumbers closer, and I'm still waiting. I haven't even started any process for paying for this new degree. I pray I lean on God during these times and trust in Him. He knows best - always.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
First-Time Surgery
Oh my goodness, what an ordeal this surgery has been! For those that don't know, I needed to get my wisdom teeth out. I had a consultation at an oral surgeon's office in Saginaw in March, but they did not impress me in any way at all. Second consultation in May in Midland; surgery scheduled for end of May. Of course, I prepared myself for every situation except the one that happened: they couldn't find a vein for the IV sedation. Fast forward four weeks and I'm in the oral surgeon's office again.
This time...they found a vein! I remember thanking God for that, and then them talking about things, but then I was out. No countdown, no worries, just out. I came to when the Dr. was talking to me and telling me that all went well. It looked like they were still putting in stitches but I was numb so I couldn't feel it. Then, I was done! No loopiness, no weird thoughts, just done. I don't know, I was kind of glad about that (though I think Greg was a little disappointed!). It's been 36 hours since my surgery, and granted I'm hopped up on pills (still!), but I haven't been too sore or in too much pain - thank the Good Lord! I slept all day yesterday (which I was hoping to) and today I rested most of the day (my pedometer will NOT be thanking me) but it's been okay so far. I'm so glad that it went well, they're all out, and it looks like I will be in pretty good shape for vacation next week! :)
So first surgery of my life out of the way and done, with not too many complications. I know that God had a plan for this surgery - maybe so it was after my class, I'm not sure. But it will be so worth it once the swelling goes down and I'm not teething anymore!
In other news, I feel like God is really working in our lives right now...no details yet, but I am so excited about what might happen. I finally have purpose in life - I feel like I've never had that before and it's an awesome feeling! I highly recommend it! :)
This time...they found a vein! I remember thanking God for that, and then them talking about things, but then I was out. No countdown, no worries, just out. I came to when the Dr. was talking to me and telling me that all went well. It looked like they were still putting in stitches but I was numb so I couldn't feel it. Then, I was done! No loopiness, no weird thoughts, just done. I don't know, I was kind of glad about that (though I think Greg was a little disappointed!). It's been 36 hours since my surgery, and granted I'm hopped up on pills (still!), but I haven't been too sore or in too much pain - thank the Good Lord! I slept all day yesterday (which I was hoping to) and today I rested most of the day (my pedometer will NOT be thanking me) but it's been okay so far. I'm so glad that it went well, they're all out, and it looks like I will be in pretty good shape for vacation next week! :)
So first surgery of my life out of the way and done, with not too many complications. I know that God had a plan for this surgery - maybe so it was after my class, I'm not sure. But it will be so worth it once the swelling goes down and I'm not teething anymore!
In other news, I feel like God is really working in our lives right now...no details yet, but I am so excited about what might happen. I finally have purpose in life - I feel like I've never had that before and it's an awesome feeling! I highly recommend it! :)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Purpose & Plans
I graduated from college in 2009 with a Bachelors of Arts in Creative Writing (though the degree simply says Bachelor of Arts). I currently work at an investment advisory firm. I don't know why those two sentences together bother me.
When I was in high school and looking at colleges, I was told, "Major in what you love." For the most part, I still think that's good advice, even if it's incomplete. I job-shadowed a middle-school teacher, and knew that wasn't for me. I'm not good at math or science. I'm good at English, and I like writing/reading/editing. It seemed to make sense. But I think that another piece of advice that would have been nice to hear is, "But you may have to make major sacrifices to use it."
I understand that no one could have known in 2004 what the job market would look like in 2009. I understand I didn't make all of the necessary sacrifices to have a good chance to use my degree (i.e. relocating to a bigger city like Chicago or NY). I even understand that it doesn't necessarily matter what your major is for a lot of jobs, as long as you have a college degree. I think what I am questioning is a little more personal.
I believe I'm exactly where God wants me to be. I think he has me at my current job because there are people I can influence and love I can show to those I am surrounded by. But I feel like my season is ending. I feel like I'm at the point of thinking about moving on. And my degree, much to my surprise, is a little bit of a stumbling block.
English degrees are very versatile. Many employers will hire English degree-holders. My problem is it gives me too many options. So I know I don't want to be in finance; what do I want to do?
I know I want to help people. I want to help people more directly than I am now. And I'm thinking I want to help people through their issues, and teach them how to cope with whatever they're going through. I've decided to take a summer class at Delta - general psychology. I think I'd like to be a counselor in some capacity. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I feel God leading me down that path.
I'm kind of excited for it. I took general psych my freshman year of college, but it's been 9 years now, and I most likely need a refresher course. Plus it's an online class, which will most likely be what the curriculum will be if I do decide to pursue my master's. I think this may be the next step for me.
I know I should keep my options open, and you definitely never know what door God might open for you next. But I think He may be opening this one for me. And I'm praying I have the courage to pursue it.
I've found that trying to make money out of a hobby or something you love can diminish how much you love what you are doing. I tried to make a business out of quilting and making homemade crafts, and it didn't work. I thought that's where God was leading me, but it was a bit of a failure. Maybe He wanted me to try and fail, to realize that you have your hobbies, then you have what you do for a living, and those two things shouldn't necessarily mix. And I think I'm okay with that, but I also think I'm ready to follow this next path. And I'm hoping this one is more successful. :)
Maybe this next step will help me to use my current degree more directly. God's giving me little snippets of thoughts that are leaning that way. I never had a clear vision of what I was going to do with my life - first I was determined to be a writer, then an editor and publisher. I had a few months where I thought I'd be an overseas missionary. I thought I might not have a career if I became a mom. I ended up in investment advising with no background in finance.
My twenties were a little bit adrift; maybe by thirty, I'll figure it out, with God's help.
When I was in high school and looking at colleges, I was told, "Major in what you love." For the most part, I still think that's good advice, even if it's incomplete. I job-shadowed a middle-school teacher, and knew that wasn't for me. I'm not good at math or science. I'm good at English, and I like writing/reading/editing. It seemed to make sense. But I think that another piece of advice that would have been nice to hear is, "But you may have to make major sacrifices to use it."
I understand that no one could have known in 2004 what the job market would look like in 2009. I understand I didn't make all of the necessary sacrifices to have a good chance to use my degree (i.e. relocating to a bigger city like Chicago or NY). I even understand that it doesn't necessarily matter what your major is for a lot of jobs, as long as you have a college degree. I think what I am questioning is a little more personal.
I believe I'm exactly where God wants me to be. I think he has me at my current job because there are people I can influence and love I can show to those I am surrounded by. But I feel like my season is ending. I feel like I'm at the point of thinking about moving on. And my degree, much to my surprise, is a little bit of a stumbling block.
English degrees are very versatile. Many employers will hire English degree-holders. My problem is it gives me too many options. So I know I don't want to be in finance; what do I want to do?
I know I want to help people. I want to help people more directly than I am now. And I'm thinking I want to help people through their issues, and teach them how to cope with whatever they're going through. I've decided to take a summer class at Delta - general psychology. I think I'd like to be a counselor in some capacity. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I feel God leading me down that path.
I'm kind of excited for it. I took general psych my freshman year of college, but it's been 9 years now, and I most likely need a refresher course. Plus it's an online class, which will most likely be what the curriculum will be if I do decide to pursue my master's. I think this may be the next step for me.
I know I should keep my options open, and you definitely never know what door God might open for you next. But I think He may be opening this one for me. And I'm praying I have the courage to pursue it.
I've found that trying to make money out of a hobby or something you love can diminish how much you love what you are doing. I tried to make a business out of quilting and making homemade crafts, and it didn't work. I thought that's where God was leading me, but it was a bit of a failure. Maybe He wanted me to try and fail, to realize that you have your hobbies, then you have what you do for a living, and those two things shouldn't necessarily mix. And I think I'm okay with that, but I also think I'm ready to follow this next path. And I'm hoping this one is more successful. :)
Maybe this next step will help me to use my current degree more directly. God's giving me little snippets of thoughts that are leaning that way. I never had a clear vision of what I was going to do with my life - first I was determined to be a writer, then an editor and publisher. I had a few months where I thought I'd be an overseas missionary. I thought I might not have a career if I became a mom. I ended up in investment advising with no background in finance.
My twenties were a little bit adrift; maybe by thirty, I'll figure it out, with God's help.
Monday, March 4, 2013
(Not) The Whole Picture
So I've been thinking lately about cliches and misinterpretations. Since I began exploring my faith and realigning my life to Jesus, I've had an issue with these two things, and I can't figure out why or what to do about it.
Take the book of Jeremiah, for instance. It may have the most used verse (with the exception of John 3:16) in the Bible. Verse 11 states: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
What a great message, right? What a wonderful sentiment. At God's heart, He cares for us and is always watching over us. All of that is true, and (although completely overused) it's a wonderful verse.
But I really take issue with it. Why? Because it doesn't tell the whole story. It doesn't say that God is speaking to His people, who are about to go into exile in Babylon for 70 years. It doesn't say that the people to whom He spoke this promise? Most of them will never see their homeland again. They may be separated from their families. God basically says build houses, set up farms, because you're going to be here a good long while. It doesn't say all that; just the good parts. It doesn't mention the patience required while God's plans are in motion, while they wait for the hope and future to arrive. And while God did have the plans that He said He did and did fulfill them, I can't help but feel like I am cheating someone if I make reference to that verse without sharing the whole story.
The same thing happened to me yesterday. I was watching the new series "The Bible" on the History channel, and they had commercials for christianmingle.com. On this commercial, they used part of a Jars of Clay song; the lyrics went like this: "I want to fall in love with you, I want to fall in love with you." A pretty appropriate song for a dating site, right? Well this song is actually entitled "Love Song for a Savior." It's about falling in love with Jesus. But the commercial made no mention of this.
I was talking with Jen about this today, and she brought up a good point. She said that maybe they used just that part for the lyrics (out of context), but people may look up the song and then they will see the true meaning of the song. It's a means to an end to expose people to Christian music and, by extension, the Christian faith.
I can get that. But I'm wondering if it's my spiritual immaturity that causes me to dwell on issues like this. Don't those to whom we are reaching out deserve to know the whole truth? Isn't that part of the problem: that people believe that once you're Christian, life should be easy? Doesn't it make sense to share all of our faith and not just the parts that we think will draw people in? Or is it possibly an extension of my own insecurities - that I believe that God's promises may not apply to me, and that's why I resist them?
I can't decide. I don't know why I take such issue with the examples mentioned above. It does me no good to complain about these things and how overused certain Bible verses are in the grand scheme of things, but I also don't want to encourage those new to the Christian faith to not pursue the whole story. To understand all the pieces. To look at the larger picture. Is that where I should draw the line? Or should I, like society seems to be doing, use these cliche examples to draw people in, to entice them, to stoke their curiosity so they can see how fulfilling life can be? Are these things just vehicles for us to use to bring more people to Jesus, to share our faith? Does it come down to how comfortable we are using certain tools that God provides to us?
What do you think? Do you disapprove of diluting God's intended message or a song's intent in order to entice those who do not yet believe? Or do you think it's a great tool and then the "rest" can be explained later? I'd love to hear your opinions!
Take the book of Jeremiah, for instance. It may have the most used verse (with the exception of John 3:16) in the Bible. Verse 11 states: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
What a great message, right? What a wonderful sentiment. At God's heart, He cares for us and is always watching over us. All of that is true, and (although completely overused) it's a wonderful verse.
But I really take issue with it. Why? Because it doesn't tell the whole story. It doesn't say that God is speaking to His people, who are about to go into exile in Babylon for 70 years. It doesn't say that the people to whom He spoke this promise? Most of them will never see their homeland again. They may be separated from their families. God basically says build houses, set up farms, because you're going to be here a good long while. It doesn't say all that; just the good parts. It doesn't mention the patience required while God's plans are in motion, while they wait for the hope and future to arrive. And while God did have the plans that He said He did and did fulfill them, I can't help but feel like I am cheating someone if I make reference to that verse without sharing the whole story.
The same thing happened to me yesterday. I was watching the new series "The Bible" on the History channel, and they had commercials for christianmingle.com. On this commercial, they used part of a Jars of Clay song; the lyrics went like this: "I want to fall in love with you, I want to fall in love with you." A pretty appropriate song for a dating site, right? Well this song is actually entitled "Love Song for a Savior." It's about falling in love with Jesus. But the commercial made no mention of this.
I was talking with Jen about this today, and she brought up a good point. She said that maybe they used just that part for the lyrics (out of context), but people may look up the song and then they will see the true meaning of the song. It's a means to an end to expose people to Christian music and, by extension, the Christian faith.
I can get that. But I'm wondering if it's my spiritual immaturity that causes me to dwell on issues like this. Don't those to whom we are reaching out deserve to know the whole truth? Isn't that part of the problem: that people believe that once you're Christian, life should be easy? Doesn't it make sense to share all of our faith and not just the parts that we think will draw people in? Or is it possibly an extension of my own insecurities - that I believe that God's promises may not apply to me, and that's why I resist them?
I can't decide. I don't know why I take such issue with the examples mentioned above. It does me no good to complain about these things and how overused certain Bible verses are in the grand scheme of things, but I also don't want to encourage those new to the Christian faith to not pursue the whole story. To understand all the pieces. To look at the larger picture. Is that where I should draw the line? Or should I, like society seems to be doing, use these cliche examples to draw people in, to entice them, to stoke their curiosity so they can see how fulfilling life can be? Are these things just vehicles for us to use to bring more people to Jesus, to share our faith? Does it come down to how comfortable we are using certain tools that God provides to us?
What do you think? Do you disapprove of diluting God's intended message or a song's intent in order to entice those who do not yet believe? Or do you think it's a great tool and then the "rest" can be explained later? I'd love to hear your opinions!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Revive
[Insert sentence here about being awful at blogging and not keeping up with this blog, and my apologies.]
So I'm taking this class at Messiah (my church) called Revive. It's taught by our life issues paster, Tige, who is an amazing man of God and has demons of his own in his past. On a side note, I think that's part of the reason why God gives us demons to deal with - that way we can relate and help each other through the process. Because if someone is completely unblemished and tries to help you, you get defensive. What does this person know? They've never been through anything. But if they have demons, we know they've felt pain. They've felt loss. And maybe, just maybe, they may be able to feel how we feel. So sometimes it's imperative that life isn't perfect or fair, in order for us to serve each other.
Anyway, Pastor Tige teaches the class, and though it's only five weeks long and we're already three weeks in, I think I've learned a lot. I've been feeling lately like I'm not doing enough for God. I don't think that in the context of since I'm not doing enough I won't get to heaven; I've never thought that way. But that, possibly, my life is too ordinary. It's too comfortable. It's too...generic. I'm not doing enough to advance the kingdom, and while God still loves me, He's a little disappointed. A little upset. Wondering why I'm not doing more.
I don't know if that has to do with the fact that while I was in His House, I did a lot. I mean, A TON. Three mission trips, one overseas, heading up committees, being on the leadership team, everything. And now, not so much. Now, I do volunteer, but it's not at the level I was. And I don't think God thinks there's anything wrong with that deep down; maybe it's that I'm disappointed in myself.
I made a decision, before Greg and I started talking about marriage. We'd just gone on our mission trip to the Dominican Republic, and I felt God tugging at my heart. I learned so much on that trip, and I thought that overseas missions were the best way to serve others. I seriously considered that as my life path. When I talked about it with Greg, he said that he didn't think that's where God was leading him, and that if I made that decision, we'd have to be apart. I still think it was one of the most mature conversations I've had with anyone. At the end of the day, God showed me my place was with Greg. He showed me, through the mission, that although it's a great way to serve God, it wasn't where I was meant to be. And I still stand by that decision.
But sometimes I get so caught up in the everyday, mundane life, I feel like I'm missing something. Like, I should be doing more. And I can't figure out whether or not that stems from my deep need to be "enough" whatever that looks like. I never feel like I'm enough. I'm not good enough, skinny enough, loving enough, serving enough, faithful enough. I'm never enough. And deep in my heart I know God thinks I am, but I don't think I'm doing enough for Him. I struggle with that SO much. How is that ever something I'm going to get over?
I think this class is helping me. It's helping me delve down into the root of those feelings, and I'm hoping it's going to help me let it go. Let go of the hang-ups I've been holding for so long, and live in the freedom Christ offers.
I'm hoping that God shows me, down the road, why I'm going through this phase in my life. I think that He is leading me a certain way, and it doesn't work. But when do you give it up? What if it is what He wants for you? I have struggled with my dream of writing since I was five. Is that what God wants me to do? What should I focus on right now? How can I devote any real time to something when I am working full time? It's so frustrating sometimes the circles my mind follows.
Okay, that last paragraph made no sense at all. Anyway, I was telling Jen at work today that I feel like your late twenties are a re-evaluation period. You're through college, you've been in the workforce for a while, and now it's time to re-evaluate where you are. Do you still like your chosen career path? Has a different opportunity presented itself? Is this where you saw yourself originally, or does it not feel right anymore? Do you want to have children? Where are you financially? All these questions, now that you're more mature to deal with them, must be dealt with. I think I understand why some people have quarter-life crises. :)
I think I'm in a re-evaluation period. I think I need to figure out how to be content with where God has placed me, and trust that if He wanted me to move mountains, He'd put more mountains in my path. I think I need to figure out how to heal myself before I can start truly helping others. And I think my church is a great place to begin.
So I'm taking this class at Messiah (my church) called Revive. It's taught by our life issues paster, Tige, who is an amazing man of God and has demons of his own in his past. On a side note, I think that's part of the reason why God gives us demons to deal with - that way we can relate and help each other through the process. Because if someone is completely unblemished and tries to help you, you get defensive. What does this person know? They've never been through anything. But if they have demons, we know they've felt pain. They've felt loss. And maybe, just maybe, they may be able to feel how we feel. So sometimes it's imperative that life isn't perfect or fair, in order for us to serve each other.
Anyway, Pastor Tige teaches the class, and though it's only five weeks long and we're already three weeks in, I think I've learned a lot. I've been feeling lately like I'm not doing enough for God. I don't think that in the context of since I'm not doing enough I won't get to heaven; I've never thought that way. But that, possibly, my life is too ordinary. It's too comfortable. It's too...generic. I'm not doing enough to advance the kingdom, and while God still loves me, He's a little disappointed. A little upset. Wondering why I'm not doing more.
I don't know if that has to do with the fact that while I was in His House, I did a lot. I mean, A TON. Three mission trips, one overseas, heading up committees, being on the leadership team, everything. And now, not so much. Now, I do volunteer, but it's not at the level I was. And I don't think God thinks there's anything wrong with that deep down; maybe it's that I'm disappointed in myself.
I made a decision, before Greg and I started talking about marriage. We'd just gone on our mission trip to the Dominican Republic, and I felt God tugging at my heart. I learned so much on that trip, and I thought that overseas missions were the best way to serve others. I seriously considered that as my life path. When I talked about it with Greg, he said that he didn't think that's where God was leading him, and that if I made that decision, we'd have to be apart. I still think it was one of the most mature conversations I've had with anyone. At the end of the day, God showed me my place was with Greg. He showed me, through the mission, that although it's a great way to serve God, it wasn't where I was meant to be. And I still stand by that decision.
But sometimes I get so caught up in the everyday, mundane life, I feel like I'm missing something. Like, I should be doing more. And I can't figure out whether or not that stems from my deep need to be "enough" whatever that looks like. I never feel like I'm enough. I'm not good enough, skinny enough, loving enough, serving enough, faithful enough. I'm never enough. And deep in my heart I know God thinks I am, but I don't think I'm doing enough for Him. I struggle with that SO much. How is that ever something I'm going to get over?
I think this class is helping me. It's helping me delve down into the root of those feelings, and I'm hoping it's going to help me let it go. Let go of the hang-ups I've been holding for so long, and live in the freedom Christ offers.
I'm hoping that God shows me, down the road, why I'm going through this phase in my life. I think that He is leading me a certain way, and it doesn't work. But when do you give it up? What if it is what He wants for you? I have struggled with my dream of writing since I was five. Is that what God wants me to do? What should I focus on right now? How can I devote any real time to something when I am working full time? It's so frustrating sometimes the circles my mind follows.
Okay, that last paragraph made no sense at all. Anyway, I was telling Jen at work today that I feel like your late twenties are a re-evaluation period. You're through college, you've been in the workforce for a while, and now it's time to re-evaluate where you are. Do you still like your chosen career path? Has a different opportunity presented itself? Is this where you saw yourself originally, or does it not feel right anymore? Do you want to have children? Where are you financially? All these questions, now that you're more mature to deal with them, must be dealt with. I think I understand why some people have quarter-life crises. :)
I think I'm in a re-evaluation period. I think I need to figure out how to be content with where God has placed me, and trust that if He wanted me to move mountains, He'd put more mountains in my path. I think I need to figure out how to heal myself before I can start truly helping others. And I think my church is a great place to begin.
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