Trading my dreams for His

I used to be so good about writing almost every day (and even multiple times a day) in a blog. I wonder what happened to that dedication. In any event, I'm going to try to get back into this. I think it's good for me.

I was driving home yesterday, and there wasn't anything good on the radio. I decided to pick one of my CDs in my car at random and pop it in. It was Casting Crowns' "The Altar and the Door." I almost switched it, because I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted, but I kept it in. And listened. I've heard the CD many times before (Greg got it for me for Christmas 2008) but for some reason, it stuck with me. And I'm still listening to it, over and over again.

I think I've fallen away a little bit from God and my faith. Greg and I went through a bit of a transition after college, where we were caught up in wedding planning, and moving to Midland, and not really having a church "home" together. I think that even if you're not involved with the church you go to, you should at least go to the same one every week. Otherwise, you feel lost. You feel like you don't belong. You feel nomadic, wandering through life without any real roots. We are inherently relational, and need to know, even if no one knows our name, that we can go somewhere each week and it will be familiar.

Well we didn't have that for a long time. That, combined with the fact that my yearly devotional book ended in the new year, caused me to . . . stagnate. Go through life, but not really live it. A situation we all find ourselves in sometimes.

But I think the rediscovery of this CD really is helping me focus back in. Greg and I are getting involved in our home church, Messiah Lutheran. We're praying more together. And I think, finally, we're learning what marriage is all about. When they say that the first year is the hardest, they aren't kidding. Thankfully, we found a great book called Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge (authors of Captivating and Wild at Heart) that is really insightful. We're only on Chapter 3, and I'd say it's helped our marriage in numerous ways already. God really stepped in when He put that in front of us.

I've been feeling a little lost in my purpose in life lately. It's amazing to be married and share my life with someone else, but what exactly I'm supposed to do with my life is still a mystery to me. I've had some dreams all my life; but are they my purpose? I'm still not sure.

My job has nothing to do with my degree. I have a Bachelor's in English; I work in finance. How did that happen? Is this where I should be? I can't help but believe that I am exactly where God wants me, but sometimes it's difficult to remember that. God wants us in certain places for certain reasons, but sometimes I can't help but wonder. I pray that God shows me when it's time to move on. I love my job and my coworkers and my boss, but is this my true calling? Is this what I was meant to do? I'm not sure.

I participated in National Novel Writing Month in November 2009, and came out with a 5,000 word manuscript; but it didn't feel real. It felt . . . pushed. I always thought I would be an author of some kind, with a focus on novels. Maybe that's not where God wants me. I never reached the length or level of writing I thought I would before that month. Now that I have, it's not all I think it should be. It isn't something that I can't wait to do. Shouldn't it be? I'm wondering if God wants me more for non-fiction. Something real, something I can pour my own experiences into without worrying about whether or not my characters are authentic or the story line is engaging. A book about what I've learned in life, that maybe might help others. I think that might be more of my focus now.

I've also been thinking a lot about sewing. It's been over a year now since I've really gotten into it, and I love it. I make quilts for donation, and a lot for gifts, but I am wondering if this is maybe something that I could start a business with. Make quilts for friends and family at first, build a client base. I never pictured myself a small business owner, but maybe I'd be good at it. It's still something I'll have to do some hard core praying about.

I am excited to fix up the house with Greg. I never knew home ownership could be so trying sometimes, but it's definitely worth it if I can work on it with Greg. I think it's our own mini-adventure that we can take together, something that will grow us closer in a way that I never thought of before.

I guess that leads me to the new title of my blog, and the title of this entry (which I just decided): Trading my dreams for His. God has such BIG plans for all of us, but sometimes we're not sure what those are. And sometimes they may just change for us. We think we know, but we really don't. And that's okay. We didn't fail at the other dreams; they just weren't right for us. What a glorious discovery! It's difficult to let go of a dream you've had since kindergarten, but I'd rather live out God's dreams for me then my own earthly dreams, wouldn't you?

God is incredible and amazing and wonderful and indescribable. I am constantly in awe of His amazing love and awesome power. I pray that I may follow His dreams for me, and, in the process, bring glory to Him and His name. Thank you, Lord, for these amazing revelations. May You provide me guidance and allow me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and use the gifts You have blessed me with to advance Your kingdom.