(Not) The Whole Picture

So I've been thinking lately about cliches and misinterpretations.  Since I began exploring my faith and realigning my life to Jesus, I've had an issue with these two things, and I can't figure out why or what to do about it.

Take the book of Jeremiah, for instance.  It may have the most used verse (with the exception of John 3:16) in the Bible.  Verse 11 states: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

What a great message, right?  What a wonderful sentiment.  At God's heart, He cares for us and is always watching over us.  All of that is true, and (although completely overused) it's a wonderful verse.

But I really take issue with it.  Why?  Because it doesn't tell the whole story.  It doesn't say that God is speaking to His people, who are about to go into exile in Babylon for 70 years.  It doesn't say that the people to whom He spoke this promise?  Most of them will never see their homeland again.  They may be separated from their families.  God basically says build houses, set up farms, because you're going to be here a good long while.  It doesn't say all that; just the good parts.  It doesn't mention the patience required while God's plans are in motion, while they wait for the hope and future to arrive.  And while God did have the plans that He said He did and did fulfill them, I can't help but feel like I am cheating someone if I make reference to that verse without sharing the whole story.

The same thing happened to me yesterday.  I was watching the new series "The Bible" on the History channel, and they  had commercials for christianmingle.com.  On this commercial, they used part of a Jars of Clay song; the lyrics went like this: "I want to fall in love with you, I want to fall in love with you."  A pretty appropriate song for a dating site, right?  Well this song is actually entitled "Love Song for a Savior."  It's about falling in love with Jesus.  But the commercial made no mention of this.

I was talking with Jen about this today, and she brought up a good point.  She said that maybe they used just that part for the lyrics (out of context), but people may look up the song and then they will see the true meaning of the song.  It's a means to an end to expose people to Christian music and, by extension, the Christian faith.

I can get that.  But I'm wondering if it's my spiritual immaturity that causes me to dwell on issues like this.  Don't those to whom we are reaching out deserve to know the whole truth?  Isn't that part of the problem: that people believe that once you're Christian, life should be easy?  Doesn't it make sense to share all of our faith and not just the parts that we think will draw people in?  Or is it possibly an extension of my own insecurities - that I believe that God's promises may not apply to me, and that's why I resist them?  

I can't decide.  I don't know why I take such issue with the examples mentioned above.  It does me no good to complain about these things and how overused certain Bible verses are in the grand scheme of things, but I also don't want to encourage those new to the Christian faith to not pursue the whole story.  To understand all the pieces.  To look at the larger picture.  Is that where I should draw the line?  Or should I, like society seems to be doing, use these cliche examples to draw people in, to entice them, to stoke their curiosity so they can see how fulfilling life can be?  Are these things just vehicles for us to use to bring more people to Jesus, to share our faith?  Does it come down to how comfortable we are using certain tools that God provides to us?

What do you think?  Do you disapprove of diluting God's intended message or a song's intent in order to entice those who do not yet believe?  Or do you think it's a great tool and then the "rest" can be explained later?  I'd love to hear your opinions!

Revive

[Insert sentence here about being awful at blogging and not keeping up with this blog, and my apologies.]

So I'm taking this class at Messiah (my church) called Revive.  It's taught by our life issues paster, Tige, who is an amazing man of God and has demons of his own in his past.  On a side note, I think that's part of the reason why God gives us demons to deal with - that way we can relate and help each other through the process.  Because if someone is completely unblemished and tries to help you, you get defensive.  What does this person know?  They've never been through anything.  But if they have demons, we know they've felt pain.  They've felt loss. And maybe, just maybe, they may be able to feel how we feel.  So sometimes it's imperative that life isn't perfect or fair, in order for us to serve each other.

Anyway, Pastor Tige teaches the class, and though it's only five weeks long and we're already three weeks in, I think I've learned a lot.  I've been feeling lately like I'm not doing enough for God.  I don't think that in the context of since I'm not doing enough I won't get to heaven; I've never thought that way.  But that, possibly, my life is too ordinary.  It's too comfortable.  It's too...generic.  I'm not doing enough to advance the kingdom, and while God still loves me, He's a little disappointed.  A little upset.  Wondering why I'm not doing more.

I don't know if that has to do with the fact that while I was in His House, I did a lot.  I mean, A TON.  Three mission trips, one overseas, heading up committees, being on the leadership team, everything.  And now, not so much.  Now, I do volunteer, but it's not at the level I was.  And I don't think God thinks there's anything wrong with that deep down; maybe it's that I'm disappointed in myself.

I made a decision, before Greg and I started talking about marriage.  We'd just gone on our mission trip to the Dominican Republic, and I felt God tugging at my heart.  I learned so much on that trip, and I thought that overseas missions were the best way to serve others.  I seriously considered that as my life path.  When I talked about it with Greg, he said that he didn't think that's where God was leading him, and that if I made that decision, we'd have to be apart.  I still think it was one of the most mature conversations I've had with anyone.  At the end of the day, God showed me my place was with Greg.  He showed me, through the mission, that although it's a great way to serve God, it wasn't where I was meant to be.  And I still stand by that decision.

But sometimes I get so caught up in the everyday, mundane life, I feel like I'm missing something.  Like, I should be doing more.  And I can't figure out whether or not that stems from my deep need to be "enough" whatever that looks like.  I never feel like I'm enough.  I'm not good enough, skinny enough, loving enough, serving enough, faithful enough.  I'm never enough.  And deep in my heart I know God thinks I am, but I don't think I'm doing enough for Him.  I struggle with that SO much.  How is that ever something I'm going to get over?

I think this class is helping me.  It's helping me delve down into the root of those feelings, and I'm hoping it's going to help me let it go.  Let go of the hang-ups I've been holding for so long, and live in the freedom Christ offers.

I'm hoping that God shows me, down the road, why I'm going through this phase in my life.  I think that He is leading me a certain way, and it doesn't work.  But when do you give it up?  What if it is what He wants for you?  I have struggled with my dream of writing since I was five.  Is that what God wants me to do?  What should I focus on right now?  How can I devote any real time to something when I am working full time?  It's so frustrating sometimes the circles my mind follows.

Okay, that last paragraph made no sense at all.  Anyway, I was telling Jen at work today that I feel like your late twenties are a re-evaluation period.  You're through college, you've been in the workforce for a while, and now it's time to re-evaluate where you are.  Do you still like your chosen career path?  Has a different opportunity presented itself?  Is this where you saw yourself originally, or does it not feel right anymore?  Do you want to have children?  Where are you financially?  All these questions, now that you're more mature to deal with them, must be dealt with.  I think I understand why some people have quarter-life crises.  :)

I think I'm in a re-evaluation period.  I think I need to figure out how to be content with where God has placed me, and trust that if He wanted me to move mountains, He'd put more mountains in my path.  I think I need to figure out how to heal myself before I can start truly helping others.  And I think my church is a great place to begin.

The Missing Peace

I've been thinking a lot lately about the differences between those who believe in Christ and those who don't. What is the difference? How do you tell? What is missing?

Obviously what's missing is Christ. But what is it about Him that distinguishes Christians from others in this world of Satan's? What's the missing piece of the puzzle? I was thinking that it was joy, but now I think it's peace.

When God works in your heart and stirs you in His direction, and you make the decision to give your life to Jesus, peace happens. And not the "oh, this is a peaceful day and no dogs are barking in the neighborhood" peace. Real, genuine peace.

Peace that allows you to hold on to hope when you see all of the injustice in the world. It lets you let go of the frustration of "they didn't deserve it" or "why them?" or "how could a God let this happen?" Peace lets all that go, and gives it to God. Because this is ultimately not my world or your world, or even God's world - it's Satan's world. And he allows all of these things, and manipulates things so we turn it back on God. But that's never what God intended. The peace Jesus brings lets me know that all things work for His good. Yes, I still get upset and angry and frustrated about some of the things that happen in the world. But ultimately, I know it's all for good. It doesn't make sense to me, but it doesn't have to. Peace allows that to be okay.

Peace brings you joy. Even though we all have bad days and sometimes nothing goes right, joy is still present. I still know, at the end of every day and even in the middle of it, that I have Jesus. And He has me. (Which is often more comforting than the former statement.) I'm not sure how to describe the joy that comes from knowing Christ. Maybe that no matter what happens, I know how the story ends. And it's a beautiful ending, one that no human could have written. That's what I get to look forward to.

Ultimately, I think that's the difference. I think a lot of people can get caught up in the terrible things of this world, and that's what draws them away from God (or so I have noticed). The starving children around the world, human trafficking, natural disasters - all those things make us look up and blame, but that's not the way it was meant to be. We should be walking in a garden with God - but we're not. Yes, because of human choice. We all have the ability to choose God or choose Satan. But this world was not God's original design. (This is where I could get into deep theological concepts, but I'll pass.) :) Satan does an incredible job of turning the blame back to God - how could He let these things happen? Isn't He all-powerful? He could change it if He wanted, and a loving God would want to. Yes, that's true, and He does. But if He did, we would lose free choice. And then what are we? Robots? Would we prefer that option?

Another one I hear a lot - "if I'm a good person I'll go to heaven." I hate that one. It is the epitome of Satan's ultimate weapon in his arsenal: mediocrity. "Well, if I fulfill these obligations, that will be good enough." Since when did we become content with being "good enough"? Why wouldn't we want amazing? Incredible? Miraculous? But we don't. "I'm a good person." What does that even mean? You don't murder others? Woah, gold star for you! To me that means that "I didn't really stand up for anything, just kinda was there my whole life, but I should get rewarded for it. I volunteered sometimes." Seriously. I think that sounds like a horrible life to live. God has so much more in store for all of us, but we insist we're not able to handle it. We fall back and say "no, you go on ahead without me." We settle for terrible.

Satan fills our lives with so many "good" things that we never look for the "great" things we could have. Our marriages are good, our kids are good, our houses are good. But we could have AMAZING things!! Satan's so good at selling mediocrity, we don't even see it. We think we're being "good people" and that's all that's necessary, we don't see that's not from God.

And I don't want anyone to think that I think I have all this figured out. I don't. I settle for Satan's "good" all the time. I back down and choose not to be bold when I hear God calling. I fail. A lot. But that's the beauty of grace - we live in a fallen world, but it's never too late to make a change (even if it's little). It's never too late to get up one day and say "I'm going to do this one thing differently." God has shown me that He hasn't called everyone to be missionaries in third-world countries converting children in orphanages. Trust me, I was there. I thought that was the only way I could make a difference. But He uses us wherever we are! We can do so much good if we BELIEVE we can do good, right where we are. There's never a shortage of people who need love, and need to know what (and who) love is.

This life is nowhere near what heaven is. But it scares me to think of all of the people I know who won't get there, because they are "good people." I seriously am troubled by this. Don't believe Satan's lies. Live abundantly! Love always. God is so much bigger than the world you've made in your mind - and He's longing to show you. Join me on my journey to find what He has in store.

I am SO bad at this.

It's amazing to me how terrible I can be keeping a blog when I had one in high school and wrote in it multiple times a day. Seriously. I guess that's a good thing, though, because it means I'm doing other things rather than sitting at a computer.

So the last time I wrote was July 2nd (or thereabouts). Greg and I spent our 1 year anniversary in Ludington for a long weekend, and it was great! Gorgeous weather, a quaint little down, and of course, Hallmark ornaments. ;)

Nothing else huge or significant has happened so far. I'm working on a new quilt, so that is fun. I have some fabric that I really should start cutting out for the borders around it. Maybe I'll do that tonight.

I'm struggling with my lifelong dream to become a published author right now. My mother-in-law is working on a screenplay called "The Story in My Heart," and it's really good and about her past. I definitely have things I can write about from my past, but I don't think they are very interesting. There's only so many ways you can portray depression, and none of them are interesting. So I think that I need to use my experiences up to this point and write a story about someone else. But that inspiration is not yet with me. I'm sure God will provide it when I am ready, but hopefully it's soon. I realized I lost my National Novel Writing Month novel when my hard drive crashed, so that was kind of a huge blow. But we'll see where this goes.

Well I know this is short but I'm proud of myself for writing at all. ;) I think I will do some quilting. :)

Expectations

It's so funny how expectations can change. I guess they haven't really changed for girls - ever since Medieval times, we've expected that boys court us, treat us like princesses, give us the world, and want to forever. And I'm not saying that they don't want to do all of those things, but I think sometimes our expectations are too much. I mean, I just watched Eclipse...twice. And what girl wouldn't love to have two very good looking guys vying for her affections? What girl wouldn't love to have someone so devoted to you (completely) that they would risk their life for you repeatedly?

But boys don't always have the chance to prove those things. A lot of times, love is just...normal. And nothing crazy happens where boys need to prove how strong their love is. I think that's probably why girls find the proposal so important - it's the one time the boy has the opportunity to prove his undying love to the girl. It's the one time that he's at his most vulnerable - literally on his knees for her. It makes a girl feel special, feel loved, feel safe.

I was listening to the radio this morning, and there's a survey that says that 80% of women were disappointed with the way their husbands proposed. Really? 80%? I couldn't believe it. If the one that proposed to them was their love for life, does it really matter how he proposed? But girls have it in their heads that it has to be a huge spectacle. He has to jump through 100 hoops and make a huge deal and buy a huge diamond. But honestly, none of that matters if you get to marry the one you love. Why would it? It's not about any of that.

I think, sometimes, we don't give guys enough credit. I also think it's partly the guy's fault, because he doesn't show his feelings nearly enough. :) But ladies, we are often really hard on guys for that. And it's definitely not their natural state, so it's hard for them to remember.

I think that's why I like The Notebook so much. That book and movie, among other things, is an amazing love story about just two people. Just two people that fell in love young, and had to overcome incredible circumstances. And yes, Noah is incredibly romantic and crazy at times, but mostly, he's just a guy.

So I'm going to try harder to not put too much expectation on my husband. Because I should know he loves me more than anything else. And although he doesn't always say it, I know it. I just need to remember. :)

Love you babe. :)

Dreams

Dreams are so funny sometimes. You grow up thinking you know exactly what you want to do and who you want to be - you're so sure. I was SO sure at age five that I was going to be an author. I wrote an essay about it (with surprisingly (or not so surprisingly?) few grammatical errors). I took as many English classes as I could in high school, and majored in English in college.

Yet here I am, working in investment advising as my full time career. But is it really a career? Is it just a job I have until something in "my field" comes along? I'm not even sure English is "my field." Just because I have a degree in it?

I'm realizing now something that nagged me in college - I'm not sure if English is right for me. Yes, I will always love English and reading and writing and even poetry, but is it what I should be doing? This is what this blog is about - trading my dreams for God's. He has a plan so much better for me than I could ever think up myself, and I have to learn to trust that.

But it's difficult when you think you are going down one road for your entire life, then you realize 24 years in that maybe it's not the right path. You feel a little lost, a little out of sorts.

Maybe that's why I'm holding on to other dreams I have a little harder. I really want to travel to Europe. I want to see and experience and smell and breathe it all in. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I'm not sure whose yet, but someone's.

I'm in a state of . . . I'm not sure the word. Confusion? Maybe. I feel like I'm losing part of myself, but I'm not yet sure what should replace it. It's a little terrifying. Okay, it's a lot terrifying. I still live in the town I essentially grew up in. I never had crazy or amazing adventures. Questions come up like should I go back to school? For what? How do I make my life have purpose when I feel so without direction?

I can tell God has me in the process of maturing so much, and it's nice to see progress. I failed my Registered Paraplanner test last Friday (continuing education for work; I needed a 70% and got a 69%). Usually, I would have totally beaten myself up over not being good enough and not working hard enough and disappointing so many people. But instead, I had a little cry about it, said a prayer, and moved on. God has taught me so much about life and lessons, and it was nice to see those teachings in action in my life. At the same time, this maturing process isn't easy and it definitely isn't quick. It's something I need to get used to, I think, because God needs to grow me and who I am before I can become who He's made me to be. And I think He can't reveal who I should be until I finish learning these lessons He's teaching me.

It's a long, slow, painful process. But I'm doing my best to have the patience and learn from my amazing God all He is teaching me. Because I know He has something amazing in store for me; I just don't know what yet. And I'm trying to remember that's okay. I don't need to, because I have God. :)

Inspired

So I have a little story that really inspired me, so I thought I would share. :)

I know someone who recently found out their son has cancer. This poor little boy, who is six years old, is enduring weeks of hospital stays, he can't walk, and it's in general, not very fun. I can't even imagine how it is for the parents.

We went to the 11:00 service at church last Sunday, since it was our last day of our class at 9:30. Well they brought their son, fresh from Ann Arbor, to church. Not only did they make time to come to church, his mom wrote on Facebook that they finally get to go to church and how God is good. The pastor had us all pray for the little boy, then we did a different activity where we went up on the altar and added to a drawing. Well on the way up, they took up the little boy, in his wheelchair, to contribute to the drawing.

Sometimes it's unfathomable the amounts of faith people have. Honestly. I know that God will not put you in a situation that you can't solve, but I'm pretty sure I could not handle that. It's amazing to see someone else's faith in action like that. It brings a little smile knowing that even in those circumstances, God is moving.

Feel free to pray for this little boy. I haven't met him, but he seems incredible. :)