Never Alone

I've yet to find somewhere that touches me like His House does. :)

Tonight Kyle gave a message on God's will, and when bad things happen to good people. He shared a very inspirational song, with the lyrics:

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

I am constantly in awe of God. I cannot fathom a God like our God. I try not to regret not knowing Him sooner. I know it's better late than never, but oh, how I needed Him in ways I never imagined.

I didn't know it, but my mind was altered in a way that would spiral me into clinical depression during my high school years. I pushed everyone away. Then, one night, my dad was called to a car accident scene (he used to be a firefighter/first responder). He worked the scene all night. The next morning, I found out one of my best coworkers and friends died in that car crash. He was 16 years old.

I'm not sure I've ever felt more alone than in those moments. Those moments lasted weeks for me. And I know it was one of the steps that God placed in my life so I could learn from it, and it was one more step to bring me closer to Him. But at the time, oh, the pain of feeling nothing was more than unbearable.

But I think I was supposed to go through that for a reason. God doesn't do things without a purpose, and I try to remember that. I hope that I can use my experiences to help someone else. Like Kyle said, if I can help one person through my experience, that is totally worth it. And I know that, before God calls me home, I will help people through what I went through.

I just wanted to say this, because it was on my heart after His House. You're not alone. You aren't. You may feel like it, surrounded by friends, or you may feel like it, completely isolated. But you aren't. God is holding you, God is loving you. Let Him in. Let Him love you. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

Words....more words...

3,425 words in to a 50,000 word novel. It doesn't seem like much, huh? But it's day 2, and motivation is lacking already....oh this may be a long month.

Though I am liking where this story is going. I think God definitely has a hand in this one, and he's definitely helping me through. I'm excited to see where this goes.

On another, more germy note, I have been sneezing way more often than usual. Praying this is nothing more than excess mucus somehow and not the flu. Or perhaps an overabundance of pepper and/or dust.

To bed for me - Greg's gone until Friday, I have to work in the morning, and my creative juices need to recharge. More juice for me.

Dreams & the courage to pursue

You hit a certain point a few times in your life where you sit down and think... "What now?"

It's so nice to have my degree, be married, and have a house. It's wonderful to have projects to work on for the house, and it's awesome to have a steady job. Yet, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about all of the things I told myself I was going to do once I graduated, things I haven't started yet.

Like writing. My lifelong dream, something I haven't done in far too long. Yet there's a great opportunity, since November is National Novel Writing Month. The challenge: 50,000 words in 30 days. Hmmm... that equals 1,667 words per day, 69 words per hour, or about 1.2 words per minute. Broken down it doesn't seem so bad, right? Then why am I so apprehensive about it? Because, since I have a full time job, family, friends, getting involved at church, and other commitments, I'm not sure I can pull it off?

Or, the far more likely option, I am scared that my dream will come true. What's that quote ... "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.... our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure." SO true!! Marianne Williamson is a very wise woman... that quote really gets me sometimes. I need to USE the gifts God has given me instead of hoarding them or thinking I'm not good enough.

So my next step would be to register, then to actually write. But write about what? They say to write about what you know. I suppose that would be a good place to start. I wonder of non-fiction counts in a novel writing challenge. I have a non-fiction idea that I am working on... I wonder if you can start writing beforehand and get a head start. That's probably cheating. =P

But I think I've decided to take this challenge. Like it says on the website (www.nanowrimo.org), it's about quantity, not quality. I just need to get it on paper instead of procrastinating.

I'm also excited to start volunteering. I wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter or something like that, but of course they are only open during business hours, so that was out. I think I would like to volunteer at Covenant or Mid-Michigan, so we'll see. :) I've been sort of focused on me for a while with all that's happened, and I need to start focusing on others and showing them God's love.

So this was sort of introspective. I'm also excited for possibly holding a housewarming party - nothing too fancy, just some time for people to come over and see the new house. Because it would be fun to show it off a little. :)

Well I'm going to read a little in my book (and registering for NaNoWriMo). I have to get up early to visit a client tomorrow for work.... makes for a long day. We'll see how that goes. :)

*Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others* - Marianne Williamson

Ah, the weekend

It's so nice to actually have a weekend. It's been a while, with buying a house, getting married...ya know. Last weekend we painted most of the weekend and Greg worked on the bathroom vent, so there was no real "relaxing" time, if you know what I mean. I never knew owning a house was so much work! =P

This weekend I'm excited for. Today we both got to sleep in, then we are going to Birch Run to do a little shopping, see a movie, and have dinner for Sweetest Day. Even if it wasn't Sweetest Day, we would still be doing all of these things, but it's nice to have an excuse. :) Then tomorrow is church, and probably seeing my parents, who we haven't seen in a while. Plus I need to use my mom's sewing machine. ;)

I'm really excited about this "new" hobby of mine, sewing. I say "new" because I've been doing it since like January with Ashley. :) But I'm finally starting to get really into it. I have my own room, I'm pretty sure I'll get a new sewing machine for Christmas, and I'm eyeing some other equipment (a cutting table, etc.) that looks awesome. I definitely like it a lot more than scrapbooking, which I was into for a while. There isn't enough gratification in scrapbooking for me. lol. That sounds terrible, but I like it when I can do a block (or three) in an evening, or get an entire baby quilt done in five hours. It takes me five hours to do one page in scrapbooking. I keep thinking maybe I'm not doing it right. =P Either way, I have a quilt that I am working on now that I'm excited for, so I think it will be something good for me to do. Who knows, maybe I'll do quilting for people on the side. That would be a lot of fun.

I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner. It's almost Halloween already!! This year has gone by so fast it's unbelievable, but a lot did happen. I'm excited to decorate the house, get our first Christmas tree, send out Christmas cards...yay! Plus we get to see family a lot more, which is nice. I haven't seen my brother and sis-in-law since my wedding, so it's been a while. They are in Indiana for their jobs - that dynamic is definitely interesting. But either way, hopefully we'll see them this holiday season.

I was going to write an impromtu poem at the end of this post, but I am not feeling inspired. I just cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry....that's not very inspiring stuff. ;) Maybe I should get out my creative writing books and look for a prompt.

Have a great weekend!!!

*Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. - Psalm 27:14

Feeling out the Spectrum

I feel like I've been on all sides of the spectrum of emotion this week. Earlier this week I was feeling so lethargic and... lazy. We just bought a brand new house and here I was, sitting on the couch and watching network TV - really? So I thought, I'll make a smoothie and I'll feel better. Well of course I break one of our new expensive wine glasses. Smart idea, Annie. Sigh.

Today I'm feeling better though. Yesterday Michelle and Tom came over and we had steaks and played Scene It, and today Greg is in Birch Run with his parents, so I made dinner for myself, and made some Puppy Chow while I was at it. Yum! :)

I am VERY excited to start painting my sewing room. I've decided to paint it a light, shimmery blue, with deep purple accents. I've read that cool colors help with creativity and calmness, so I'm going to try it out. Plus the room is already a light blue, so it won't be too hard to paint over. I'm going to take an interior painting class at Home Depot - they are free on Saturday mornings, and I'd like to do it right instead of maybe making a costly mistake. But I'm super excited for this Saturday. I might take a page from Ashley's book and try my hand at a little art as well. :)

Speaking of books, I think this room is also going to be my writing room. It's been SO long since I've taken the time to sit down and write. I'm glad I kept most of my prompt books from college to inspire creativity. I hate to admit it, but my college education has definitely helped me become a better writer. Who knew? O:) Now I need to get back into it and use the gifts God has given me.

Sometimes it still hits me that this is OUR house. No more neighbors sharing walls, no more paying rent and dealing with maintenance, no more temporary addresses. Though owning a house isn't easy, it's SO much better than renting. If you can afford it, I would definitely recommend it.

So I love to travel, and I can't decide about the next place to travel. I would LOVE to travel to Europe and see Italy. I know that Europe holds so many interesting countries, and although I would also love Ireland (heritage), I think Italy would be my first choice. I am so drawn to the architecture and just all the history that it has. But, it's also very expensive, and I've never been to our own nation's capital, so how about Washington DC? I would love to visit the Holocaust museum and see the white house, and all of that good stuff. Plus we could drive, and maybe jump up to NYC while we're over there. Or maybe down to NC and hit the beach. So many opportunities. Sometimes it's slightly annoying that Europe is so far away, but I have to remember all the people that took months to come over here because it was better. Ya know. But reading historical novels doesn't help my desire to see the world.

So this post is more like my thoughts than anything else. Maybe I'll start using this as a sounding board for some writing pieces that I would like to start up again. We'll see. :)

I'm going to try this posting pictures in my blog thing. These are the few that I took of our fall decorations. :)

A New Chapter

Wow, it's been a while since I've had a blog! I used to have an OpenDiary, something that truly helped me get through high school, but I've just attempted to log in and it appears that they have canceled my diary. They probably should have; as much as high school is supposed to be "the best years of your life," I honestly think they were the worst of mine. In any case, it's nice to be writing again, and be at a better point in my life. :) Of course, I will miss reliving the memories of my troubled youth, the naivete, and general lack of maturity. Oh, those were the times.

But here I am, starting over, and life is good. I won't bore my (so far zero) readers with what has happened since high school, but just start as though everyone knows my story. :) I will recap 2009, however; it was a big year for me. I graduated from SVSU with my bachelor's degree in Creative Writing in May 2009 (side note: I found it ironic how the field I should be working in, publishing, is one of the choices on the "occupation" part of your profile on here. However, the field I am actually working in, investments, is a lot more common and not one of the choices. Oh irony, you strike again.). I got married to the most wonderful man in the world for me on July 10th, 2009, and we closed on our first home on September 25th, 2009. Like I said: a big year!

God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. Honestly, I never would've thought I would have come so far. It's like the Brad Paisley song about writing a letter to himself at 17... boy I could probably have used a letter from me right now back then. The differences in life with God and without God are just astounding to me. No wonder the world is so unhappy. God is love; if you don't know God, you don't know love. And love is what makes the world go round. It's all those cheesy love songs, wrapped into one enveloping hug of cliched "feel-good" one-liners. You know the kind. :)

I think one of the things I love about God the most is that he never is done giving second chances. I don't even want to know how many times God hasn't given up on me. It's like finding that person that believes in you more than you believe in yourself; undying faith, and all of the sudden you're not doing it for you anymore. A higher cause has entered the equation; the proverbial infinity. If you haven't given God a serious chance in your life, I encourage you to try Him; He doesn't disappoint.

I believe this blog will be mostly about my life: somewhat about my attempts at writing and/or other hobbies that I've so long neglected due to the wonders of taking college classes; somewhat about the fun that comes with owning a house; somewhat about married life; and other miscellaneous morsels that, if no one else finds interesting, will at least keep my mind active and my writing skills mediocre.

For now, it's bedtime for me. Work in the morning, clients to visit, How I Met Your Mother at 8pm. Sometimes a life based on normalcy is bliss in itself. After five years of college craziness, it's nice to bask in some relaxation between trips to Home Depot. :)