I am SO bad at this.

It's amazing to me how terrible I can be keeping a blog when I had one in high school and wrote in it multiple times a day. Seriously. I guess that's a good thing, though, because it means I'm doing other things rather than sitting at a computer.

So the last time I wrote was July 2nd (or thereabouts). Greg and I spent our 1 year anniversary in Ludington for a long weekend, and it was great! Gorgeous weather, a quaint little down, and of course, Hallmark ornaments. ;)

Nothing else huge or significant has happened so far. I'm working on a new quilt, so that is fun. I have some fabric that I really should start cutting out for the borders around it. Maybe I'll do that tonight.

I'm struggling with my lifelong dream to become a published author right now. My mother-in-law is working on a screenplay called "The Story in My Heart," and it's really good and about her past. I definitely have things I can write about from my past, but I don't think they are very interesting. There's only so many ways you can portray depression, and none of them are interesting. So I think that I need to use my experiences up to this point and write a story about someone else. But that inspiration is not yet with me. I'm sure God will provide it when I am ready, but hopefully it's soon. I realized I lost my National Novel Writing Month novel when my hard drive crashed, so that was kind of a huge blow. But we'll see where this goes.

Well I know this is short but I'm proud of myself for writing at all. ;) I think I will do some quilting. :)

Expectations

It's so funny how expectations can change. I guess they haven't really changed for girls - ever since Medieval times, we've expected that boys court us, treat us like princesses, give us the world, and want to forever. And I'm not saying that they don't want to do all of those things, but I think sometimes our expectations are too much. I mean, I just watched Eclipse...twice. And what girl wouldn't love to have two very good looking guys vying for her affections? What girl wouldn't love to have someone so devoted to you (completely) that they would risk their life for you repeatedly?

But boys don't always have the chance to prove those things. A lot of times, love is just...normal. And nothing crazy happens where boys need to prove how strong their love is. I think that's probably why girls find the proposal so important - it's the one time the boy has the opportunity to prove his undying love to the girl. It's the one time that he's at his most vulnerable - literally on his knees for her. It makes a girl feel special, feel loved, feel safe.

I was listening to the radio this morning, and there's a survey that says that 80% of women were disappointed with the way their husbands proposed. Really? 80%? I couldn't believe it. If the one that proposed to them was their love for life, does it really matter how he proposed? But girls have it in their heads that it has to be a huge spectacle. He has to jump through 100 hoops and make a huge deal and buy a huge diamond. But honestly, none of that matters if you get to marry the one you love. Why would it? It's not about any of that.

I think, sometimes, we don't give guys enough credit. I also think it's partly the guy's fault, because he doesn't show his feelings nearly enough. :) But ladies, we are often really hard on guys for that. And it's definitely not their natural state, so it's hard for them to remember.

I think that's why I like The Notebook so much. That book and movie, among other things, is an amazing love story about just two people. Just two people that fell in love young, and had to overcome incredible circumstances. And yes, Noah is incredibly romantic and crazy at times, but mostly, he's just a guy.

So I'm going to try harder to not put too much expectation on my husband. Because I should know he loves me more than anything else. And although he doesn't always say it, I know it. I just need to remember. :)

Love you babe. :)

Dreams

Dreams are so funny sometimes. You grow up thinking you know exactly what you want to do and who you want to be - you're so sure. I was SO sure at age five that I was going to be an author. I wrote an essay about it (with surprisingly (or not so surprisingly?) few grammatical errors). I took as many English classes as I could in high school, and majored in English in college.

Yet here I am, working in investment advising as my full time career. But is it really a career? Is it just a job I have until something in "my field" comes along? I'm not even sure English is "my field." Just because I have a degree in it?

I'm realizing now something that nagged me in college - I'm not sure if English is right for me. Yes, I will always love English and reading and writing and even poetry, but is it what I should be doing? This is what this blog is about - trading my dreams for God's. He has a plan so much better for me than I could ever think up myself, and I have to learn to trust that.

But it's difficult when you think you are going down one road for your entire life, then you realize 24 years in that maybe it's not the right path. You feel a little lost, a little out of sorts.

Maybe that's why I'm holding on to other dreams I have a little harder. I really want to travel to Europe. I want to see and experience and smell and breathe it all in. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I'm not sure whose yet, but someone's.

I'm in a state of . . . I'm not sure the word. Confusion? Maybe. I feel like I'm losing part of myself, but I'm not yet sure what should replace it. It's a little terrifying. Okay, it's a lot terrifying. I still live in the town I essentially grew up in. I never had crazy or amazing adventures. Questions come up like should I go back to school? For what? How do I make my life have purpose when I feel so without direction?

I can tell God has me in the process of maturing so much, and it's nice to see progress. I failed my Registered Paraplanner test last Friday (continuing education for work; I needed a 70% and got a 69%). Usually, I would have totally beaten myself up over not being good enough and not working hard enough and disappointing so many people. But instead, I had a little cry about it, said a prayer, and moved on. God has taught me so much about life and lessons, and it was nice to see those teachings in action in my life. At the same time, this maturing process isn't easy and it definitely isn't quick. It's something I need to get used to, I think, because God needs to grow me and who I am before I can become who He's made me to be. And I think He can't reveal who I should be until I finish learning these lessons He's teaching me.

It's a long, slow, painful process. But I'm doing my best to have the patience and learn from my amazing God all He is teaching me. Because I know He has something amazing in store for me; I just don't know what yet. And I'm trying to remember that's okay. I don't need to, because I have God. :)

Inspired

So I have a little story that really inspired me, so I thought I would share. :)

I know someone who recently found out their son has cancer. This poor little boy, who is six years old, is enduring weeks of hospital stays, he can't walk, and it's in general, not very fun. I can't even imagine how it is for the parents.

We went to the 11:00 service at church last Sunday, since it was our last day of our class at 9:30. Well they brought their son, fresh from Ann Arbor, to church. Not only did they make time to come to church, his mom wrote on Facebook that they finally get to go to church and how God is good. The pastor had us all pray for the little boy, then we did a different activity where we went up on the altar and added to a drawing. Well on the way up, they took up the little boy, in his wheelchair, to contribute to the drawing.

Sometimes it's unfathomable the amounts of faith people have. Honestly. I know that God will not put you in a situation that you can't solve, but I'm pretty sure I could not handle that. It's amazing to see someone else's faith in action like that. It brings a little smile knowing that even in those circumstances, God is moving.

Feel free to pray for this little boy. I haven't met him, but he seems incredible. :)

Wedding Weekends

So the next few weeks are going to be really busy for us!

It all starts tomorrow, when I need to be in Peck, MI (the thumb) at 10:30 am to help Rachel set up the hall. One of my greatest friends from college (Rachel) is getting married, and I get to share in her day! Way excited. So tomorrow will be all wedding, and so will Saturday (obviously). I know it's going to be an amazing time and I am so happy for her - she deserves it!

Anyway, we get back Sunday, then Sunday night is the Survivor finale (I know, I'm a dork), Monday is a full day of work, then Greg and I leave for Washington DC on Tuesday! I can't believe it's already here, but I am SO looking forward to it. It's going to be so much fun. The next Saturday (the 22nd) my cousin is getting married in DC, plus I get to see all of my family, so I know we're going to have a blast. =)

Like I said...it's going to be crazy. But I've really been thinking about some things, and sometimes I regret not studying abroad, or moving somewhere crazy, or doing something nuts with my life. But at the same time, I feel like I'm exactly where God wants me to be. And I wouldn't change my trip to the Dominican for anything - it was wonderful. So as much as I have an itch to do something drastic, I know that God wants me here. So I will definitely obey. This is what this blog is all about - trading my dreams for His. Because His are the only ones that matter. :)

See you in a few weeks!!

Home Improvements

I can't believe sometimes how hard Greg works on our house. He told me when we were living in the apartment that he really wanted a house so he could have things to do - well he definitely has it with this house!

We've repainted the laundry room a nice sunny yellow, and Greg is restaining the cabinets so they are actually nice looking instead of antiques. It's really coming along nicely. Now he is outside working on our new deck/front porch. We haven't had one for quite a while because they had to tear ours out to replace the sewer line. But it's looking fantastic so far!

That's basically what we've been doing the last few weeks besides working. It's been crazy, but fun. Now we have our wedding season coming up - Rachel's wedding is NEXT SATURDAY! I'm very excited to be in her wedding (and that my dress fits!). Then right when we get back we leave for our DC vacation. I am so excited for that - I've never been to DC and it should be a blast with my whole family going!

I think tonight I may plan out our DC trip. I love planning things like that and it should be an amazing time. I thought of all of the SVSU grads today - I can't believe it's been a year since I walked across that stage. So much has happened!! But a good year it's been - I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next. He is such an amazing God, and we are SO blessed!

:)

Tattoo

Okay the post didn't work....let's try this. :)

Update on me

So Ashley reminded me that I haven't written in a while, and I have a few minutes so I thought I should. :)

Things are going okay for me. I don't know if I wrote this, but Greg and I had our sewer line replaced in our front yard. Thus, our front yard is completely torn up. It's been a while since we had it done, so I'm getting a little sick of our neighbors gawking at our yard. ;) Anyway, we had Troy Schmidt of Schmidt Builders come out today and will give us an estimate on a new front porch (ours was torn out in the process). Depending on prices, we're hoping to have both the front porch done and then the landscaping (and taking out one of our trees) very soon so our front yard is normal again.

On the inside of the house, we are about to be able to prime and paint the laundry room. Then we need to buy a countertop and backsplash, then stain the cabinets, and the room should be back in order. After that we need to complete the flooring in the basement. Once ALL that is completed, our house will be back to the way it was when we bought it. I know, right? Then we can start prioritizing the projects that we actually WANT to do. =P

Work has been crazy busy lately. Of course, since I work for a CPA firm, tax season hit pretty hard. But in my line of business, we're super busy right now with quarter end. I should have stayed late today but had Troy coming out for an estimate so I left on time. Just a lot of projects right away - feast or famine, right?

I am excited about the new class that Greg and I are taking at Messiah. It's called "Ordinary Day with Jesus" and is definitely something I struggle with in my Christian walk. In the first class we talked about when the day exactly starts, and according to the Bible, it starts in the evening. So basically, when we wake up, we are just joining God in His work instead of "starting" the day. I thought that was really profound and has really helped me so far this week. I think next week is everyday relationships, so I'm excited.

I'm also really looking forward to May. I have Rachel's wedding, in which I am a bridesmaid, then a vacation with Greg to DC for my cousin's wedding. It should be a lot of fun and definitely needed. I will be full time for a year starting April 24th, so I then get two weeks' paid vacation, which will be super nice!! Hopefully Greg and I will be able to take a few weekend trips or something this summer.

I also got a tattoo. I absolutely love it and don't regret it for a second, but I don't think I'll get another one. I'm content with this one. Let's see if I can figure out how to post a picture in this post...

Hmm...I think that's all that's going on with me. O:) Quilting this week, which I'm excited for - I don't think I've done any since the last quilting day. Oh I take that back, I made a pillow. :)

I hope I start updating this more often. On the plus side, I had a lot to talk about!! Now I'm off to study some more for Paraplanner (continuing ed for work). I hope I can learn it all before the test in June!

*Love covers a multitude of sins* - 1 Peter 4:8

1 Year Plan

So I was at work last week, and we were talking about things we want to do in life. I'm not that old, but I did turn 24 yesterday - I'm not that young. =P So instead of doing a New Year's Resolution or something like that, I've decided to take this milestone of my birthday and write down a few things I'd like to accomplish before I become 1/4 of a century old.

First, I'd like to complete the Registered Paraplanner designation at work. It is considered a sort of "JV" version of becoming a Certified Financial Planner. While investments and finance were not my major (not even close), that's what I work with every day, and it's important that I get a formal education in it, not only for our clients, but for myself. I need to know that I am good at what I do. Plus, letters after my name wouldn't look too bad either. O:) I need to take the test by June, and I'm a little less than halfway through the self-study course, so I need to step it up!

Second, I'm excited for May, because it is wedding season. :) Not only do I get to stand up in my awesome friend Rachel's wedding, I get to attend my cousin's wedding in Washington, DC. I've never been to DC, so I'm really excited to experience all of the history that is contained there. It will definitely be an awesome and long-awaited vacation.

Third, I'd like to start exercising more - and I'm not going to overdo it this time. I usually say "I'm going to exercise!" and set a super lofty goal to work out for an hour at some gym every day. This time, I'm going to tone it down. Greg and I are taking a walk every evening whenever it's nice out after work, and that's really nice. I think it's really helping my stamina, my body, and my sleep cycles. Who knew walking was so good for you? ;) I'm hoping I can continue that throughout the summer and maybe add some more exercise in there as the weather gets nicer and nicer.

Fourth, I'd like to expand my faith. This is an ongoing goal for life, but I'm just starting to get into church at Messiah and I love it. I love doing projection once a month, and it's just the right amount of commitment. I'm hoping that we can get to know people in church, like we have been, and serve God in the ways that He has blessed us.

Fifth, I'd like to continue to improve our marriage. I love being married, and although it's hard work, it's totally worth it. I think Greg and I are just finally starting to get into the groove of marriage, and it's getting better every day. I know it's just going to keep improving. :)

Sixth, I'd like to make some major improvements on the house with my husband. We've had this actually thrust upon us by our sewer issues, but it is nice to improve the house and work on things with my husband. It's a great way to bond. :) We have so many ideas and I'm excited to get started on them.

So this list turned a little more abstract than I was planning, but I don't know if my heart was really in it. I'm distracted tonight. Maybe I'll try again later, but I did want to write all this down. :)

Purpose

I've just been washed over with a new sense of contentment and purpose just now, and felt the urge to write about it. :)

Today was a good day. I volunteered at church this morning running projection. It's so nice to be part of the church body again. Greg and I were so involved with His House that I felt a little lost when we were looking for a church home. But now we are involved with Messiah Lutheran, and volunteering with the church, and it's really amazing that my heart is again fulfilled with God in a way I was missing. It's SO nice to find a church home.

I worked on my continuing education for work this afternoon as well. I'm taking a self-study course in order to be a registered paraplanner for work. It's sort of like being a financial planner, but the JV course. I find it a little difficult, since I've never taken a finance class in my life. I've been struggling with the fact that I haven't been using my degree since I graduated (or even before that) and it's been difficult to come to the realization that God wants me to be where I am, whether or not I'm using the degree I'm still paying for. But today, as hard as this course is for me, it was a good thing. I think that broadening my horizons into this new field will eventually help me in ways I can't even think of right now. It's good to learn new things and try new experiences, and if this is where God wants me, who am I to complain?

Also, Greg and I put together our gifts for our niece and nephew (who share the same birthday 7 years apart). Even though I still haven't met them (they live in Florida) it's so nice to have children in the family that we can spoil. I'm the youngest, so I never had that growing up, and it feels nice to be an aunt, even by marriage. :) Plus we have our Compassion Child in Indonesia, and I love getting his letters and drawings. It's a wonderful feeling knowing we are helping God's children.

My last good thing of the night was a message from one of my Facebook friends. She saw this blog again and read an old message I had put up from November, and it touched her once again. She left me a message on Facebook, and I cannot tell you how uplifting it was to read that. Sometimes we wonder why we're here, and if we really are making a difference, and if we should be doing more than what we are doing. At least I do. I sometimes wonder if I should sell my possessions and go be a mission worker in some foreign country. I wonder if I am doing enough to further God's kingdom, or if I am settling for mediocrity in this fallen world. But it's things like this that God blesses me with so He lets me know I am on the right path. And I'm right where God wants me, and I'm doing what He wants me to do. What a wonderful feeling. In a world of uncertainty, little messages like that help me to be centered around my Rock, my Jesus again. And that content feeling is unlike any other.

So I wanted to share that even though I'm still not sure my purpose in life, or if I'm on the right road, I know that God will take care of me. And that's all I need to know. :)

Have a wonderful week everyone!!

Laziness...

I find myself being lazy a lot more now that I'm out of college and super busy at work. I'm coming to this realization this week since, yesterday, Greg was rearranging the basement, vacuuming, etc., and I sat in my chair. All night. lol. Really?

Work has been crazy lately - there is so much to do for me, it seems like I can never get it all done. It's nice to always be busy and it makes the day go by fast, but sometimes it's a little overwhelming. I had to leave early today, so it was nice to just take a break. Hopefully I'll catch up on some things soon!

Maybe tonight I'll do some more sewing. I am excited about the quilt that I am working on now and my next one - I bought some super cute fabric at Joann's on Sunday so that's always a motivating factor. Plus I have an idea for some other fabric that I have, so I'm also very excited about that.

Well nothing much else going on in my life. I wish I had NBC at home so I can watch the Olympics, but oh well. I got to watch curling at my parents' house, which is the one sport I wanted to see, so that was good. :)

I hope everyone is having a great week!!!

Trading my dreams for His

I used to be so good about writing almost every day (and even multiple times a day) in a blog. I wonder what happened to that dedication. In any event, I'm going to try to get back into this. I think it's good for me.

I was driving home yesterday, and there wasn't anything good on the radio. I decided to pick one of my CDs in my car at random and pop it in. It was Casting Crowns' "The Altar and the Door." I almost switched it, because I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted, but I kept it in. And listened. I've heard the CD many times before (Greg got it for me for Christmas 2008) but for some reason, it stuck with me. And I'm still listening to it, over and over again.

I think I've fallen away a little bit from God and my faith. Greg and I went through a bit of a transition after college, where we were caught up in wedding planning, and moving to Midland, and not really having a church "home" together. I think that even if you're not involved with the church you go to, you should at least go to the same one every week. Otherwise, you feel lost. You feel like you don't belong. You feel nomadic, wandering through life without any real roots. We are inherently relational, and need to know, even if no one knows our name, that we can go somewhere each week and it will be familiar.

Well we didn't have that for a long time. That, combined with the fact that my yearly devotional book ended in the new year, caused me to . . . stagnate. Go through life, but not really live it. A situation we all find ourselves in sometimes.

But I think the rediscovery of this CD really is helping me focus back in. Greg and I are getting involved in our home church, Messiah Lutheran. We're praying more together. And I think, finally, we're learning what marriage is all about. When they say that the first year is the hardest, they aren't kidding. Thankfully, we found a great book called Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge (authors of Captivating and Wild at Heart) that is really insightful. We're only on Chapter 3, and I'd say it's helped our marriage in numerous ways already. God really stepped in when He put that in front of us.

I've been feeling a little lost in my purpose in life lately. It's amazing to be married and share my life with someone else, but what exactly I'm supposed to do with my life is still a mystery to me. I've had some dreams all my life; but are they my purpose? I'm still not sure.

My job has nothing to do with my degree. I have a Bachelor's in English; I work in finance. How did that happen? Is this where I should be? I can't help but believe that I am exactly where God wants me, but sometimes it's difficult to remember that. God wants us in certain places for certain reasons, but sometimes I can't help but wonder. I pray that God shows me when it's time to move on. I love my job and my coworkers and my boss, but is this my true calling? Is this what I was meant to do? I'm not sure.

I participated in National Novel Writing Month in November 2009, and came out with a 5,000 word manuscript; but it didn't feel real. It felt . . . pushed. I always thought I would be an author of some kind, with a focus on novels. Maybe that's not where God wants me. I never reached the length or level of writing I thought I would before that month. Now that I have, it's not all I think it should be. It isn't something that I can't wait to do. Shouldn't it be? I'm wondering if God wants me more for non-fiction. Something real, something I can pour my own experiences into without worrying about whether or not my characters are authentic or the story line is engaging. A book about what I've learned in life, that maybe might help others. I think that might be more of my focus now.

I've also been thinking a lot about sewing. It's been over a year now since I've really gotten into it, and I love it. I make quilts for donation, and a lot for gifts, but I am wondering if this is maybe something that I could start a business with. Make quilts for friends and family at first, build a client base. I never pictured myself a small business owner, but maybe I'd be good at it. It's still something I'll have to do some hard core praying about.

I am excited to fix up the house with Greg. I never knew home ownership could be so trying sometimes, but it's definitely worth it if I can work on it with Greg. I think it's our own mini-adventure that we can take together, something that will grow us closer in a way that I never thought of before.

I guess that leads me to the new title of my blog, and the title of this entry (which I just decided): Trading my dreams for His. God has such BIG plans for all of us, but sometimes we're not sure what those are. And sometimes they may just change for us. We think we know, but we really don't. And that's okay. We didn't fail at the other dreams; they just weren't right for us. What a glorious discovery! It's difficult to let go of a dream you've had since kindergarten, but I'd rather live out God's dreams for me then my own earthly dreams, wouldn't you?

God is incredible and amazing and wonderful and indescribable. I am constantly in awe of His amazing love and awesome power. I pray that I may follow His dreams for me, and, in the process, bring glory to Him and His name. Thank you, Lord, for these amazing revelations. May You provide me guidance and allow me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and use the gifts You have blessed me with to advance Your kingdom.